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There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."

Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

by (few years ago!) / 615 views
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JESUS IS WATCHING YOU


A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search.

Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.

He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."

He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses."

The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"

The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".

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Men jokes

Men jokes

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office jokes

Memo 1: Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.

Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Memo 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, the Committee On Committee's has appointed a 14-member Casual Day Task Force to prepare guidelines for proper dress.

Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "Home Casual" versus "Business Casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Memo 7: Because of lack of participation, Casual Day has been discontinued, effective immediately.

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THE HARVARD GRADUATES


Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were all excited and talking effusively as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston.

After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked, "You men Harvard graduates?"

"Yes Sir! Class of '94!" they answered proudly.

The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying, "Class of '58."

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After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey ?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

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FARMER JOE FEELS FINE

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"

"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.

Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.

"Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

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A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can youloan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are youusing to gamble with?"The guy replies, "Oh, Ive got gambling money."

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A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor. "I did everything all wrong again today," she said.

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Computer jokes

A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks: "I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!"

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