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Dog jokes

Where do Eskimos train their dogs ?In the mush room !

by (few years ago!) / 573 views
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Funny Animal Jokes

A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"

The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."

The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."

The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG

by (few years ago!)
INCREDIBLE DAN QUAYLE QUOTES

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." 5/9/9

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

by (few years ago!)
ANYONE FOR A CIGAR?


A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"

Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But I did send them.", replied the man.

"What?" shouted the lawyer?

"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybodys job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldnt do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

Hire Teenagers
while they still know everything!
HELP WANTED:
TELEPATHY

You know where to apply Why is the man who invests all of your money
called a broker?

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 2

Bigamy: one wife too many;
Monogamy; same thing.

by (few years ago!)
Texas Justice

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmers field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now Im going to retrieve it.

The old farmer replied, This is my property, and you are not coming over here.

The indignant lawyer said, I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you dont let me get that duck, Ill sue you and take everything you own.

by (few years ago!)
THE BLIND MAN AND THE RABBI

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzanTaking pity on the blind man he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man Several minutes later, the blind man turns taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this shit

by (few years ago!)
A SNAKE IN A BAR


A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."

"Why not?" asks the snake.

The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your beer..."

by (few years ago!)
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