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Dog jokes

What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk? A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

by (few years ago!) / 528 views
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Marriage jokes

Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up. "Im sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?" "Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars." "Well now, thats not bad for a man who couldnt read or write." "Nor swim either," added the widow.

by (few years ago!)
A veterinarian surgeon

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. Is this the vet? asked an elderly ladys voice.

Yes, it is, replied the vet, Is this an emergency?

by (few years ago!)
Question and answer animal jokes

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.

Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.

Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?
A: Look at the orange mama laid.

Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they'd break.

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?
A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.

by (few years ago!)
Why I Am So Tired

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.

Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

This leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me . . . and you're sitting there reading jokes.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think Ive got the wrong software installed in my computer." Tech Support: "Why is that, sir?" Customer: "I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the XYZ Desktop." Tech Support: "Yes...?" Customer: "Shouldnt it be called the XYZ Minitower? I OBVIOUSLY have the wrong software installed in this computer."

by (few years ago!)
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE


An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

by (few years ago!)
Animal Jokes

by (few years ago!)
Question and answer animal jokes

Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager.
A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either.

Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie, of course.

Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?
A: Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. I hear it's untweetable.

Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
A: To the retail store.

Q: What kind of dog tells time?
A: A watch dog.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game ?It was a cup draw !

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?A widower.

by (few years ago!)
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