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Dog jokes

What is a dogs favourite food ?Anything that is on your plate !

by (few years ago!) / 581 views
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Religious jokes

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, Idtake it and throw it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, Id take it and throw it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, Id take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:"Shall We Gather at the River."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Mom and Dad are in the iron and steel business. She does the ironing and he does the stealing.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a wantad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a verynervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself."I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "Butmainly, Im looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""Excuse me?" the accountant said."I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I dont want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.""I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?""Ill start you at eighty thousand.""Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such asmall business afford a sum like that?""That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place."Its just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?""Probably that I married you for your money."

by (few years ago!)
Driving with Penguins

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he cant drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.

The man replies I did. Today Im taking them to the movies.

by (few years ago!)
ANOTHER PEARLY GATES VARIATION


Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.

Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important. God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand".

God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand".

God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly. God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?"

Bill Gates responded " I think you are sitting in my chair"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

by (few years ago!)
An old man was on his death bed

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

by (few years ago!)
THE JIGSAW PUZZLE


A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box.

by (few years ago!)
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