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Dog jokes

What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick? A docs-hund!

by (few years ago!) / 616 views
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Sport jokes

Why arent football stadiums built in outer space?Because there is no atmosphere!

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defenses closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!" He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door." "Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client didnt!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday!

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Two Cows are talking through a fence. One cow says to the other, "You know, I'm really worried about this Mad Cow Disease." The other cow says to him, "I wouldn't be too worried about it. It can't affect us chickens."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by? The first one said, "I wonder whether shes a natural blonde or a bleached blonde." Her friend said, "Shes a suicide blonde."The other said, "Suicide blonde? Whats that?"The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"

by (few years ago!)
Joking Jelly

The crack products are a powerful, eye-catching item that draws a smile and response
from anyone who sees them. Crack products are made out of actual sports balls
Inner packing: order to creates a realistic 3-D look. The concept of a ball that
looks like it has gone halfway through the glass is so realistic that people
must get closer to see it. Once they see it, they want it.

Applications: smooth surfaces, car and truck windows, glass doors, mirrors, computer
monitors, storefronts, home or office decorations

by (few years ago!)
WHAT A JOB!

Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
3 have been arrested for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shop-lifting
21 are current defendants in lawsuits In 1998 alone
84 were stopped for drunk driving

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.

by (few years ago!)
Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch..
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.

NO FEE

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more paid of false teeth...try them."The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him."I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? Ive been looking for a good dentist."The man replied, "Im not a dentist. Im the local undertaker."

by (few years ago!)
JUST HAVING A QUIET SMOKE


A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said,
"Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your head in!

by (few years ago!)
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