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Dog jokes

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?"Well, doggone !"

by (few years ago!) / 471 views
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Blonde jokes

What is a brunette between two blondes?A. An interpreter.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 9

A man was walking down the street and he met a small boy. The man asked what was his name.
The boy replied, 'six and seven-eighths.'
The man asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and he replied, 'they just picked it out of a hat.'

by (few years ago!)
Political Jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

by (few years ago!)
Bush Jokes About Daughter’s Texas Wedding

President Bush has started joking about the worst kept secret in the White House: the May 10 wedding in Central Texas of his daughter, Jenna.

Mr. Bush said Wednesday he's had to face some very difficult spending decisions and conduct what he calls "sensitive diplomacy."

"That's called planning for a wedding,” he said.

Mr. Bush's line got a laugh from his audience at the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce in Washington.

Jenna and her finance, Henry Hager, have decided to be wed at the first family's ranch near Crawford.

The White House has refused to release any details such as the setting on the ranch, who's invited and how many people will attend.

Mr. Bush's wife, Laura, has described the soon-to-be married couple as "soul mates" and has said the president likes Hager, a former commerce Department staffer who’s in the MBA program at Virginia’s Darden School.

He has an undergraduate degree from Wake Forest University.

The two have been dating for several years.

Hager’s father is a former lieutenant governor of Virginia and serves as chairman of the state’s Republican party.

The Central Texas Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure will be moved up one week from May 10 to May 3 because the original date fell on the same day as the wedding.

Thousands of runners and walkers participate in the local race, which started in 2001.

But hotel and motel space are likely to be at a premium on the weekend of the wedding, and because many officials may be in town for the ceremony, security may also be an issue.

by (few years ago!)
You Work for the Government When:

* The process becomes more important than the product

* You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about
* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there

* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.

* You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money

* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms

* You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention

* You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards

by (few years ago!)
Marriage Jokes

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).
Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

by (few years ago!)
I just needed to use your car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

by (few years ago!)
Benefits of Jack D

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about

Jack Daniels.

Jack Daniels is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Jack Daniels can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Jack Daniels ® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Jack Daniels.

Jack Daniels ® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Jack Daniels.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Jack Daniels ®.... Leave Shyness Behind!!!!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. "Is that your big dog outside -Wondering how she had got past him he said "Yes why?" She said Im sorry but my dog just killed him!" "What??" Roared the man "What kind of dog have you got??" "A Peke" Replied the woman. "A Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?" "I think it got stuck in his throat!" Replied the woman.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywackthe loan officer. Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?" The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant. Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I dont know. Im going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this." He goes into Mr. Larsons office and comes back. Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says Its a knick-knack Paddywack give the frog a loan

by (few years ago!)
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