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Desert Island Email

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.

Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

by (few years ago!) / 1200 views
(Rated 4 Stars - 1 votes)
 

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A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do Gods work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde make best for dinner?A: Reservations.

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A kid's view on Marriage

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.'Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years old

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About JokesByKids

clean kids jokes, and growing every day! JokesByKids.com is published by me, Barbara J. Feldman: mom, wife, syndicated columnist, and founder of

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What do you say to a dog before he eats? - A: Bone appetite

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The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson."Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t? she asked the instructor."P-u-t-t is correct, he replied."Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

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Why dont blondes like buttered toast?A: They cant figure out which side the butter goes on.

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computer jokes

1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

2. You get a tattoo that reads: "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.0 or higher."

3. You name your children Eudora, Mozillia, and Dotcom.

4. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

5. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment.

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What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah ?A dog that chases cars - and catches them !

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20 Fun Things For Professors To Do

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises

2. After confirming everyones names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor cant hear you, youll have to ask me, Winky Willy."

7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."

9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin Bird."

10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.

11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

13. Announce "youll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Browns "Sex Machine."

16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering Simps would know," and move on before anyone can answer.

17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

19. Address students as "worm."

20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

by (few years ago!)
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