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School jokes

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?Because there are no pupils to see!

by (few years ago!) / 596 views
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Women jokes

Q: Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?A: It depends on the age.

by (few years ago!)
Miscellaneous Jokes

Two 6 year old boys were attending religious school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave - time outs, notes home, missed recesses - but could do nothing with them. Finally the boys were sent to see the priest.
The first boy went in and sat in a chair across the desk from the priest. The priest asked, 'Do you know where God is?'
The little boy just sat there.
The priest stood up and asked, 'Son, do you know where God is?'
The little boy trembled but said nothing.
The priest leaned across the desk and again asked, 'Do you know where God is?'
The little boy bolted out of the chair ran past his friend in the waiting room, all the way home.
He got in bed and pulled the covers up over his head.
His friend had followed him home asked, 'What happened in there?'
The boy replied, 'God is missing and they think we did it!'

by (few years ago!)
Difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

by (few years ago!)
IN SEARCH OF A GOOD MAN

A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover. After a few days, her doorbell rings.

She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about your ad."

Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know you're loyal?"

"Well, I saved my platoon from the VC in 'Nam. That's where I lost my arms and legs," he replies.

"Well, how do I know you're rich?" she inquires.

"I make over $3 million a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement," he continues.

Looking him over in his wheelchair, she demands, "Well, how do I know you're a good lover?"

He shrugs, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Do clever men make good husbands?SAGE: Clever men dont BECOME husbands!

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?Nothing, he didnt recognize them!

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equallyfundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog theyliked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their newfundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadnt thought about "normal" tricks.Well, they said, "lets try this out."Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounce d the command,"Heel!"Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the mans forehead,closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with.I dyed my hair !

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen?Eat out.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'Lets do it!' And, she's always sound asleep."

by (few years ago!)
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