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School jokes

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?Dates!

by (few years ago!) / 513 views
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Blonde jokes

Whats the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?A: The blonde works in the dark!

by (few years ago!)
Psychiatric Hotline

Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

The teacher said to young Freddie, "If there were three birds sitting on a wall, and the farmer shot one of them, how many would be left?"

"Well," said Freddie, "there would be none left because the sound of the farmer's gun would have frightened the others away."

"That's not the answer I was looking for, as we're doing subtraction today," said the teacher. But I like the way you're thinking!"

"I have a question for you Miss," said Freddie, the next day. "If three women were walking down the road, one licking an ice cream cone, one sucking an ice cream cone, and one biting an ice cream cone, which of the three was the married woman?"

"I think it would be the one sucking the

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.


You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 3

Marriage - a three ring circus:
engagement ring,
wedding ring,
and suffering.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 3

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot six!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks - "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead,"I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

What lights up a football stadium ?A football match !

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A man was complaining to a friend."I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!""What happened?" asked the friend."My wife found out."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you drown a blonde?A: When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.

by (few years ago!)
JOINING THE CHURCH


Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor. The pastor then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at 'Do it All' any more either."

by (few years ago!)
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