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School jokes

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!Pupil: What?, and get bitten!

by (few years ago!) / 543 views
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School jokes

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didnt know where the Rockies were.Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?A: She went looking for the three guys.

by (few years ago!)
Youll never have to go to jail with all that money

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didnt want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, Dont worry. Youll never have to go to jail with all that money. And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didnt have a dime.

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.

Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then." said God, "Let us see it Jesus fared any better."

Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.

Satan was astonished and stuttered, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckled and replied, "Jesus saves."

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the blonde fail her drivers licence ?A: She wasnt used to the front seat!

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary whose species and or name you cant remember.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory? You can hear a cough drop.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.

by (few years ago!)
SEX ON THE SABBATH


A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question. The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted the Sabbath."

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"

He goes to minister... a married man, experienced… for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of year's tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.

The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The rabbi softly speaks, " If sex were work...my wife would have the maid do it."

by (few years ago!)
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