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Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?Fred: None!Fred (surprised): Why not?Fred: Because you cant lay eggs!

by (few years ago!) / 620 views
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Blonde jokes

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?A: "Today children, we will learn our ABCs"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

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TRUST ME... I'M A LAWYER


Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

by (few years ago!)
A TALE OF TWO PIGS


Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms.

At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President"

Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary.. So, now what do you think?"

The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Deer Kill 17,000

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

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Office Jokes

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What are the blondes first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, and the redhead came in second.

The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee the blonde remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

by (few years ago!)
THAT’S BEER LOGIC

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there pal?"

"It’s a mongoose."

"What have you got that for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose

by (few years ago!)
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