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School jokes

Teacher : What are you reading ?Pupil : I dunno !Teacher : But youre reading aloud !Pupil : But Im not listening !

by (few years ago!) / 750 views
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Similar Jokes

Dog jokes

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus ?He stole the show !

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Three gay guys were discussing what they thought their favorite sport would be. The first decides on football, because of all those gorgeous guys bending over in their tight pants.

"Definitely wrestling," sighs the second guy. "Those skimpy little costumes, and think of the holds."

"Definitely baseball," says the third gay guy.

"Why?" asked the other two guys.

Well, I'd be pitching with the bases loaded, the batter would hit a line drive right to me. I'd catch it, and I'd just stand there while the other guys rounded the bases. Meanwhile, the crowd would be going crazy, screaming, 'Throw the ball, you ker!' And, that's what I like - the recognition."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didnt figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadnt. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, "Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?" He replied, "Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box." Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. "But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?" she asked. "Well, every time I got a dozen, I sold it."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

by (few years ago!)
Hair Smell

An office secretary stands by the water cooler taking a drink when a male co-worker stands in front of her and takes a deep long inhale and says, your hair smells great. The secretary says thank you and returns to her desk.
This same situation occurs everyday for the next couple of weeks, so she finally makes a complaint to the office supervisor. She explains the situation and says she wants to file a report for sexual harrassment.
The supervisor says I know this has been annoying but how can you claim sexual harrassment?
She says it's Keith the midget that's doing this.

by (few years ago!)
PANDA WARNING

A Panda walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a meal. When the meal finally arrives, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves the bar.
A patron walks over to the bartender and asks, "What was that all about?"

The bartender replies, "Look up 'panda' in the dictionary, pal."

And so, the patron retrieves his Webster's dictionary from his coat pocket and looks up the word 'panda.'

"What's it say?" asks the bartender.

The patron replies with a grin, "Eats shoots and leaves."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

When Bernard got fired from his last job they were really tough. They made him hand back his keys to the executive toilets, return his company credit card, give back his company car, and even give back his ulcer!

by (few years ago!)
THE STRATEGIST AT THE PEARLY GATES


A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He's led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.

St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops. All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks' second hands are moving faster than others.

St. Peter explains that every time someone tells a lie, which is a sin, they lose part of their life, so their clock's second hand ends up moving faster.

The Democratic strategist looks around but doesn't see Bill Clinton's clock, so he asks St. Peter where it is.

"Oh," answers St. Peter, "that's being used as a ceiling fan.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

by (few years ago!)
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