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School jokes

Teacher : What are you reading ?Pupil : I dunno !Teacher : But youre reading aloud !Pupil : But Im not listening !

by (few years ago!) / 803 views
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Sports jokes

Atlanta Falcons = Atlanta Fellcons
New Orleans Saints = New Orleans Aint's
Los Angeles Rams = Los Angeles Lambs
San Francisco 49ers = San Francisco Whiners

Chicago Bears = Chicago Fairs
Detroit Lions = Detroit Cryin's = Detroit Kittens
Green Bay Packers = Green Bay Slackers = Green Bay Whackers
Minnesota Vikings = Minnesota Tykes = Minnesota ViQueens
Tampa Bay Buccaneers = Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

Arizona Cardinals = Arizona Tardynals
Dallas Cowboys = Dallas Cowgirls = Dallas Cowpie
New York Giants = New York Midgets
Philadelphia Eagles = Philadelphia Beagles
Washington Redskins = Washington Deadskins = Washington Foreskins

Carolina Panthers = Carolina Can't-thers
Jacksonville Jaguars = Jacksonville Saguars

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?A: They both have black roots.

by (few years ago!)
IN THE PHILOSOPHY FINAL


A student taking a philosophy class had a single question on his final: "What is courage?"

The student wrote: "This", signed it, and turned it in.

by (few years ago!)
School Library

The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."

by (few years ago!)
Hilarious Jokes for Kids (Signet) (Paperback

The very fat lady stopped on the curb and said to the boy, "Young man, could you see me across the road

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said and handed the blonde man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the misses out to dinner and a movie."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten some painting equipment the homeowner asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"

"Nope," replied the blonde painter. "I'm just here to take your misses out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

by (few years ago!)
THE RETIRED PREACHER


A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him.

The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.

Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?"

The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?"

The kid said, "Yep."

"Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.

The kid replied, "You have to cuss it."

The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."

With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

If a beagle cant play a bugle in the marching band, whats his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone.

by (few years ago!)
THE CLINTON/POPE ADMIN FOUL UP


Bill Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged.

The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye to the Pope as he went off to heaven.

On his way up, the Pope met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

Clinton: No problem!

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

Clinton: Why is that? It's not that great.

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Clinton: Sorry, your Holiness - but you're about a day late.

by (few years ago!)
THE YOUNG ATTORNEY ON VACATION


For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

by (few years ago!)
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