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School jokes

Teacher : What are you reading ?Pupil : I dunno !Teacher : But youre reading aloud !Pupil : But Im not listening !

by (few years ago!) / 767 views
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Blonde jokes

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?A: She turned it over and used the other side.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Did you hear that the Unitied States Post Office had to recall
its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit on.

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office jokes

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in thesentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering herhusband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for himtrying to make his client appear more sympathetic to theJudge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact"about the whole thing all during the trial."Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morningwhere you felt pity for your husband ?""Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied."And when was that?" pressed the attorney."Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."

by (few years ago!)
I can bite both of my eyes

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, Ill bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye. The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man cant possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.

by (few years ago!)
THE WORKS OUTING

This guy was staggering along the road, much the worse for the drink, throwing empty beer cans into the street and falling into peoples gardens His singing gained the attention of a passing policeman who decided to question him.

"What do you think you're doing there?" the policeman asked.

"I'm on my works outing" came the slurred reply.

"Then" the policeman queried, "where are all the others?"

"Ah" the man grinned, "You see officer, I'm self employed!"

by (few years ago!)
Funny joke - Fast Camel

There’s this guy walking along a road to town with his camel. Along the way, a guy stops and ask’s if he needs a ride to town.
The guy say’s, yeah. He hop’s in, the driver say’s, what about your camel.
The guy said, Oh, he’s ok, he know’s his way to town.
So the driver start’s driving, he get’s up to about 45 MPH, and he looks in his rearview mirror and see’s the camel right behind him. He say’s to the guy, hey buddy ya know your camel is behind us? The guy say’s, yeah it’s ok, he knows his way to town, speed up a little.
The driver speed’s up to about 55 MPH, he’s driving along, and look’s behind him and again see’s the camel. And say’s to the guy, your camel is still there.
The guy say’s, he’s know’s the way, speed up a little. So the driver speed’s up to 65 MPH. He drive’s for a bit, and look’s behind him, and look’s at the guy and say’s, hey buddy your camel he’s looking pretty rough. The guy say’s, oh yeah, what’s he doing.
The driver say’s, well, his ear’s are folded back and his tongue is hanging out.. The guy say’s, HIS TONGUE IS HANGING OUT,, TO WHICH SIDE. The driver say’s to the left side. The guy say’s, YOU’D BETTER HOLD YOUR COURSE, HE’S FIXIN TO PASS YA..!


by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Boy to Friend: Im sorry, I wont be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes hate M&Ms?A: Theyre too hard to peel.

by (few years ago!)
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