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Business jokes

Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.

by (few years ago!) / 532 views
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Similar Jokes

Computer Valentine

10 Reasons why you should have make a computer your valentine!

1. A Computer can wait for you forever.

2. A Computer does not compare you with it’s past users

3. A Computer does not mind if you have a Computer at home and in the office.

4. A Computer won’t say lets just be friends.
5. You can mute the computer whenever you want.

6. It’s easy to turn on a computer.

7. You never have to say sorry no matter what you do to it.

8. You don’t have to give it expensive Valentine gifts, New Year gifts, Birthday gifts, Anniversary gifts.

9. You can upgrade your computer if you are not satisfied with its performance or specifications.

10. Theres always Ctrl + Alt + Del

by (few years ago!)
FASCINATING

A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."

Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."

So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her tit's are so big she could only fasten eight!

by (few years ago!)
BLOWING CHUNKS

A man walks into a bar acting really weird. He sits down and the man next to him asks, "What's wrong buddy?"

The man replied, "I've been blowing chunks all night!"

The man next to him replies, "Well that's not that bad, you just had to much to drink."

The man then said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

by (few years ago!)
ARTHUR GUINESS & OTHER STORIES

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."


* * *

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way buddy you're too drunk."

A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs "give me a drink."

The bartender says "No man I told you last time you're too drunk"

Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says "You're too drunk"

The drunk scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."


* * *

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

" Yeah, except today is the last night.


* * *

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey! How about it babe? You and me?"

As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."

She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?

by (few years ago!)
Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?It was a cup draw!

by (few years ago!)
Shoot The Pig

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the
bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling what should I do?''

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."

The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.

"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

by (few years ago!)
A QUICK ROUND OF SHORTS

A dyslexic walks into a bra...


A guy walks into a bar and says "I'm so thirsty I could like the sweat off a cow's balls."
a guy in the corner says "Moooo!"


Two condoms walking past a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"

A baby seal walks into a club...


What do you call a basement full of women?
A whine cellar!


Two gays walking past the funeral parlour, one says "fancy popping in and sucking down a couple of cold ones?"


A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm and says "two pints please, one for me and one for the road."


Some Bacon and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender stops them and says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast in here."


A guy walks into a bar on the moon and says to the bartender "Hey, there's no atmosphere in here!"


Four gays in the bar and only one stool. What do they do?
Turn it over!



by (few years ago!)
PRAYING FOR SOME BIRDS


A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but l have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and l will put them in with my two male parrots who l taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage

Wedding rings: The world's smallest handcuffs.

by (few years ago!)
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