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Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

by (few years ago!) / 414 views
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Educational jokes

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.

The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is "gross"
And the other one is "cool"
Are there any questions?"

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand,
and the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks...

"So, what are they?

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply."Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddys brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddys wife.So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmothers mother. Dont forget that my stepmother is my r stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wifes grandson.But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since Im married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wifes grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

by (few years ago!)
Shoot The Pig

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the
bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling what should I do?''

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."

The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.

"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

by (few years ago!)
Getting into fights

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said:

"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:

"Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"

by (few years ago!)
Enjoy our collection of Clean Blonde Jokes

One day a blonde decided to go horse back riding.

After a very long search, she finally found a horse she thought she could ride. Things started off well enough, slowly trotting along, but soon the undulations started going faster and faster.

Being unexperienced at horseback riding the blonde started to fall off. She tried everything, grabbing the mane, then she tried to grab the saddle, but could not hold on.

Seconds before falling off, the horse finally stopped, allowing her to get off, and gratefully thank the shopper for unplugging the mechanical horse as they were about to enter the department store

by (few years ago!)
WELL, I'LL BE DOG GONE


A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, "I'll have a Scotch and water and my dog would like a whiskey sour."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here."

The dog replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink."

The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking dog trick. Both of you, get out of here!"

"No, no, no, this isn't a trick, I promise you," says the man, "I tell you what, I'll go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here." The man leaves and the bartender sees him turn the corner.

"Now, can I have my drink." says the dog.

The bartender is amazed. "Sure you can and it's on the house! Listen, can you do me a favour? My wife works next door at the cafe. It'll make her day if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Here's ten bucks and you can keep the change afterwards."

"Okay." says the dog and he takes the ten dollars and leaves. Ten minutes go by and the dog doesn't come back. The owner returns and asks where is the dog. So both of them go off to see what happened to the dog.

As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe.

The owner shouts, "Rover! What are you doing! You've never done this before!"

The dog shrugged. "Hell, I've never had any money before.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Whats the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.

by (few years ago!)
THE GIRAFFE

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too" And they keep drinking all evening.

Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave.
The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?"

The guy replies "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do little boys whine?Because theyre practicing to be men.

by (few years ago!)
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