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Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

by (few years ago!) / 452 views
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Are Blonde Jokes and Yo Mama Jokes Okay for Kids

I got an email from a mom today canceling her daughter's JokesByKids newsletter subscription because we included a blonde joke and a "Yo Mama's So Fat" joke. These jokes were personally screened by me. Perhaps my assistant, who usually edits the jokes, has a higher standard. But ... what's the harm here? These jokes are "clean. " They are not suggestive or violent. But, of course, they do make fun of people. But not specific people. Are they likely to hurt a child's feelings? Am I setting a bad example by publishing these jokes?

Here are links to the offending jokes:

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation wentwell and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he wasreassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed."Mr. Smith, youre going to be just fine," said the nun, gentlypatting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend topay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?""No, Im not," the man whispered hoarsely."Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun."Im afraid I cannot, Sister.""Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questionedsternly."Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But shes ahumble spinster nun.""Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God.""Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde Hijacker

Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed.

Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo."

Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo."

"Damn!" replied the blonde passenger, "I got on the wrong plane."

by (few years ago!)
Dirty Tricks

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

He asked her why she was going.

She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."

He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.

His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"

"I''m going too!" he replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle.

by (few years ago!)
The best blonde joke…

I missed the best blonde joke ever. Well, at least I did until I got to Greg Hughes blog. Being blonde I appreciate jokes like these. Update: Greg’s link doesn’t seem to work, so you can catch the joke on Ben Hammersley’s blog.

by (few years ago!)
People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize

1. Britney Spears & Eminem
Who, combined, have written more books than they''ve read.

2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw
Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.

3. America''s Oil Companies
For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don''t mix.

4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon
For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.

5. Bill Gates
For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.

6. The Editors of Maxim
For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.

7. Jared
Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no one.

8. Jennifer Lopez
Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of containing her ass.

9. That 300 Pound Guy
Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on coast to coast flights.

10. Glaxo
Who has managed to make "loose stools" a side effect of every one of the drugs it produces.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Why do computer teachers never get sick?Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

by (few years ago!)
BACK ON THE GOLF COURSE

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

A well-known proverb states that an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?

The BANKER would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.

The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.

The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.

The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.

The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?

The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, "What did your mother say about the glass?"

The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts; one a colorless, odorless liquid, the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.

The SEASONED DRINKER would say that the glass doesn't have enough ice in it.

by (few years ago!)
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