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Lawyer jokes

What do you call an honest lawyer?An oxymoron.

by (few years ago!) / 567 views
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Men jokes

Why do men float better than women?A: Because they are scum.

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

"Well," the friend said, "I ran into a lawyer."

"Okay," said the man, "that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and all of the dirt?"

His friend replied, "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

by (few years ago!)
THREE BASSKETBALL FANS


Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body.

He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."

by (few years ago!)
Programmer's drinking song

99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do so few men end up in Heaven?They never stop to ask directions.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde think of the new computer?A: She didnt like it because she couldnt get channel 9.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes:

Little Jimmy was a very rude boy who, given any opportunity, would embarrass his teacher. One day, during an OFSTED inspection, Jimmy's teacher told the class that they were going to do some impressions of different animals. However, feeling aware that Jimmy would use this opportunity to be extremely rude and to show her up, she decided to leave him until last. Emma did a marvellous impression of a cow, David did one of a pig, while other children did their own interpretations of donkeys, dogs, cats, parrots etc. Eventually, the teacher could avoid Jimmy no longer and reluctantly allowed him to do his impression. However, she felt that there could not possibly be any animals left, about which Jimmy could be rude or obscene.

"I'm going to do the mating cry of the deep-sea oyster," explained Jimmy.

That doesn't sound too bad thought the teacher.

At this point Jimmy stuck his head between his two hands and shouted "ANYONE FANCY A SHAG?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."Applicant: "Im the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident?A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

There were three women waiting to be executed: A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. It was an old-fashioned execution. Of course, these women didn't want to die, so they needed a plan. The redhead said, "I have an idea. Follow my lead."

So, when it was time for the redhead's execution, the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words?" he asked. "No." she replied.

"Okay then. We're set. Ready. Aim ... "

"TORNADO!" the redhead yelled out, pointing. The gunmen all turned around, and she escaped!

The brunette and blonde saw this. So, when it was time for the brunette's execution, the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words?" he asked. "No." she replied. "Okay then. We're set. Ready. Aim ... "

"FLOOD!" the brunette yelled out, pointing. The gunmen all turned around, and she escaped, too!

Now the blonde understood this. So, when it was time for the blonde's execution, the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words?" he asked. "No." she replied. "Okay then. We're set. Ready. Aim ... "

"FIRE!" ...

by (few years ago!)
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