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Lawyer jokes

What do you call an honest lawyer?An oxymoron.

by (few years ago!) / 613 views
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A QUICK ROUND OF SHORTS

A dyslexic walks into a bra...


A guy walks into a bar and says "I'm so thirsty I could like the sweat off a cow's balls."
a guy in the corner says "Moooo!"


Two condoms walking past a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"

A baby seal walks into a club...


What do you call a basement full of women?
A whine cellar!


Two gays walking past the funeral parlour, one says "fancy popping in and sucking down a couple of cold ones?"


A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm and says "two pints please, one for me and one for the road."


Some Bacon and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender stops them and says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast in here."


A guy walks into a bar on the moon and says to the bartender "Hey, there's no atmosphere in here!"


Four gays in the bar and only one stool. What do they do?
Turn it over

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together A They heard that under seventeen werent
admitted.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly and poor woman?A: Desperate!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde and Pizza

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

"Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older librarian, "Ive just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers.""Well," replied the librarian, "I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet."

by (few years ago!)
How have times changed?

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.

Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull were on either side of a fence. Elsie the Cow gave him a wink and he leaped over the fence to her side.

"Aren't you Ferdinand the Bull?" she asked.

"Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was a lot higher than I thought."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian told his best friend Mike. "Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?" his friend suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "Ive tried that many times - it never worked."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years- Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk - and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.
Bonus: If she likes salt on the rim of her Margarita, she swallows

by (few years ago!)
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