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Lawyer jokes

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why dont you swerve to hit him?A: It might be your bicycle.

by (few years ago!) / 519 views
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Dog jokes

What is a dogs favourite sport ?Formula 1 drooling !

by (few years ago!)
PRESENTS FOR TEACHER

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do little boys whine?Because theyre practicing to be men.

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Have long marriages

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.

They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.

The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

by (few years ago!)
Starting salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

How do bees get to school ?By school buzz !

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Religious jokes

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadnt thought about normal tricks. "Well," they said, "lets try this out." Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearl y pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the mans forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?A: Proofreading.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase." Employee: "Thats because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?" Boss: "Right. Except for the us part."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopoed beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog. "You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

by (few years ago!)
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