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Animal jokes

While driving down a dirt road in my pickup truck in a rural agricultural part of Iowa with my pet donkey in the back, I discovered that I had a flat tire. I got out of my truck and had the donkey stick its head under the bumper to lift the truck.

A passing farmer asked, "Hey, that's a pretty clever trick. How did you teach your donkey to lift the truck?"

I replied, "It's a simple matter of the breed; this is a jack ass."

by (few years ago!) / 933 views
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Similar Jokes

Lawyer jokes

One day, an engineer died. He was the kind of engineer that built stuff, like air conditioners. When he died, he went to heaven, and met God. God said, "Hey! You're not on the list! Go to Hell!"

So he walked down about 2,500,001 flights of stairs, and met the devil. He said, "Okay. Come on in!" While in hell, he made all sorts of things, like escalators, air conditioners, etc.

One day, God called the devil and said, "You know that engineer? Well, he's suppose to be up here."

So the devil said, "Are you crazy? I won't give you this guy!"

God said, "Well if you don't, I'll sue!" So the devil said, "Sue? You can't sue me! You don't have any lawyers up there!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What dog do other dogs tell their problems to? A complaint Bernard!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does! What does it do? It just stands on its back two legs and quotes Shakespeare! What? Yeah, it says, "To bark or not to bark that is the question!" and keeps on barking!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

by (few years ago!)
Great Bar Jokes


I love to hear a good joke. In fact, I've heard quite a few ridiculously funny jokes in my life. I'm not sharing any of those with you today. Instead, I'm sharing the seven jokes I've heard in a bar which made me laugh so hard (at the time) that I ended up writing them down. Yes, that's me: the girl in the bar who writes things on napkins so she won't forget them later.


Why am I sharing these with you? Even if you don't find them funny right now, wait until you have had a good number of drinks at the bar. Then, start sharing these. You'll see.


by (few years ago!)
What will the neighbors think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you call a handcuffed man?A. Trustworthy.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, its only $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares." said the client. The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares." The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client." "Great!" said the broker. The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!" The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:"Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!"He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him."You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?""I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers Im hauling.""Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked."Why did you do that?""Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You dont even need a license." r The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!He cant let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop."Whats wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver."Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you cant bait em!"

by (few years ago!)
Sleeping in Church

Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service Barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep.
The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior? Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!!Soon after that he goes back to sleep. The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father? Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!!and goes back to sleep. The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time? Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells:IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE

by (few years ago!)
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