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Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 5

Hotel Porter: "May I carry your bag sir?"
Hotel Guest: "No that won't be necessary, my wife is perfectly capable of walking."

by (few years ago!) / 539 views
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Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

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Blonde jokes

Why are blondes like corn flakes?A: Because theyre simple, easy and they taste good.

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Dog jokes

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper? - A: RUFF!

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Making a Confession

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.

The priest coughs to attract the drunk mans attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally the drunk replies, No use knockin, pal. Theres no paper.

by (few years ago!)
THE BUFFALO THEORY

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!



by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Where is the best place to buy computer software?Washington C.D

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Marriage jokes

At a friends wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

The finals of last year's National Poetry Contest came down to two finalists. One was a San Francisco State University graduate from an upper-crust family; well bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Texas A&M. A self-proclaimed die-hard Aggie. Go figure.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The San Francisco State graduate went first. About 30 seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination: Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! How, they wondered could the redneck top that? The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' we went.
Met three whores with a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

by (few years ago!)
Question and answer animal jokes

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station!

Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A: To invent the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To corrupt the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken IRS representative cross the road?
A: To bankrupt the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To get to the car accident on the other side.

Q: Why did chicken Dr. Kevorkian cross the road?
A: To help the patient find the other side.

Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?
A: To break on through to the other side.

Q: Why do birds fly South?
A: Because it's too far to walk.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Youre new here arent you, whats your name?Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

by (few years ago!)
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