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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes

Why did the blonde get on the roof?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

by (few years ago!) / 563 views
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School jokes

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didnt know where the Rockies were.Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

by (few years ago!)
A manager walks into his office...

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde crying. He approaches her and asks why she's crying. She tells him she just found out her mother died. The manager tells her to go to take the rest of the day off and not to worry about work. Later, the manager calls the blonde to see how she's doing. The blonde is crying harder than before. He tries to console her, but he couldn't. The blonde says, "I was calling everyone to let them know about my mother's death and I found out something horrible."
"What?" the manager replied.
"I found out my sister''s mom died too!"

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

THE CAT:
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we're tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

by (few years ago!)
The computer user's reboot poem

Don't you wish when life is bad
and things just don't compute,
That all we really had to do
was stop and hit reboot?

Things would all turn out ok,
life could be so sweet
If we had those special keys
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete

Your boss is mad, your bills not paid,
your wife, well she's just mute
Just stop and hit those wonderful keys
that make it all reboot

You'd like to have another job
but you fear living in the street?
You solve it all and start a new,
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?A: She moved.

by (few years ago!)
Pregnant

K. C. lived very far from town, his wife was pregnant and about due.

He went to see the doctor because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to get his wife to the doctor in time for the birth of his first baby.

The doctor told him, "K.C. , there's nothing to worry about. You've delivered calf's from a cow before haven't you?"

K. C. says, "Yes"

The doctor says, "Well it's the same thing involved when a woman gives birth to a baby."

K. C. leaves much less worried.

A few weeks later K. C. stops by the doctor's office and tells the doc. "I'm the proud father of a 9-pound boy." He smiles.

The doc asks, "Did everything go OK?"

K. C. answers, "Yeah, just one thing, I almost had to beat the shit out of her to make her eat the afterbirth.

by (few years ago!)
hilarious blonde jokes:

All clean political jokes and humor and blonde jokes draw their comedy from an emotion: Something in life that mortifies us or that challenges us. These terms apply to humour as found in our "cool riddles", for example. While Individual humor and blonde jokes can often end up crazy, nothing beats good comical nature. So how can I tell what cool riddles or humor and blonde jokes are best for me? Well, there's a way to find out but it will take some work. It's believable that anyone could figure out what laughability is when it comes to cool riddles or humor and blonde jokes simply by experiencing some good jokes and seeing what really works for you. But it's important to evaluate some sources of humour in order to discover what you find funniest.

by (few years ago!)
This tells me that I must be drunk

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Husband: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?Wife: Your sense of humor.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Tysons psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didnt say two!

by (few years ago!)
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