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Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 2

A man walks into a bar and asks, 'Do you serve women in this bar?'
'No,' replies the barman, 'you have to bring your own.'

by (few years ago!) / 501 views
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Marriage jokes

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. "When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "You know what?" "What, dear?" his wife asked gently. "I think you bring me bad luck."

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Blonde jokes

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?A: "Today children, we will learn our ABCs"

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Men jokes

Men are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

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Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tinm For best results, put on two coats.

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Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals

A women was considering buying an aging Thoroughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing her deal. She asked when the vet had completed his examination - "Will I be able to race him?"
The veterinarian looked at the woman, then at the horse. "Sure" he replied, "and you'll probably win!"

by (few years ago!)
An Irish Mental Institution

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave.

This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike.

They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files.

The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.

"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go.

Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.

Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him.

The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what would happen?"

"I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought.

"What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"

"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that he had just gotten his freedom.

The doctor then sent him outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, he told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were.

The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" <

"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.

This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking.

"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"

"I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?Dating children.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A. You didnt hold the pillow down long enough.

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Religious jokes

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane wasbeing rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Deaths door, and said to her papal neighbour. Father, surely you can do something about this...To which the Pope replied, Sorry lady, Im in sales, not management.

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Blonde jokes

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, whos the other father!?!"

by (few years ago!)
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