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Jokes And Funny Stories About Education

Teacher: Billy, why have you not given me your homework?
Billy: I made it into a paper aeroplane and someone hijacked it.

by (few years ago!) / 662 views
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Blonde at the Casino

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.


by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you electrocute a blonde?A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair

by (few years ago!)
Instrument flying guide for animal lovers

Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the "Cat and Duck Method" of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected. Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.

Basic rules for the C&D Method of instrument flight are fairly well known and are extremely simple. Here's how it's done:

1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor; because a cat always remains upright. It can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one.

2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow it to the ground.

There are some limitations to the Cat and Duck Method, but by rigidly adhering to the following checklist, a degree of success will be achieved which will surely startle you, your passengers, and even an occasional tower operator.

1. Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all. It may be necessary to carry a large dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.

2. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all their time washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a tight snap roll followed by an inverted spin.

3. Use old cats only. Young cats have nine lives, but old, used-up cats with only one life left have just as much to lose as you do and will be more dependable.

4. Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that you are using the cat to stay upright, it will refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks are no better in IFR conditions than you are.

5. Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks sometimes fail to realize that they are on the gauges and go flogging off in the nearest hill. Very nearsighted ducks will not realize that they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This maneuver is difficult to follow in an airplane.

6. Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find yourself on final for a rice paddy, particularly if there are duck hunters around. Duck hunters suffer from temporary insanity while sitting in freezing weather in the blinds and will shoot at anything that flies.

7. Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with geese because many water birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers, geese seldom want to go in the same direction as you.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?A. Artificial intelligence.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher The ranchers prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldnt resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldnt have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the t rain went through your ranch that morning. I didnt have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, Ill tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why did the dogs owner think his dog was a great mathematician?When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere?" he pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager. "And, he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it would be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How did you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better," the Marine replied.

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How did you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

by (few years ago!)
THE BUSINESS MAN AND THE POPE


During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.

2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.

A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities.

The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

by (few years ago!)
Sounds of the Wild

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Moo!"

Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."

Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

by (few years ago!)
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