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Jokes And Funny Stories About Education

Teacher: Billy, why have you not given me your homework?
Billy: I made it into a paper aeroplane and someone hijacked it.

by (few years ago!) / 654 views
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Sport jokes

Why did the goal post get angry?Because the bar was rattled!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 6

Printed in a newspaper - The marriage of Miss Anna Bloch and Mr William Dashwood, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake and we wish to correct it.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didnt.marr

by (few years ago!)
More Computer Viruses

Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Tipper Gore Virus : When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.

Government Ecomomist Virus : Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order Virus : Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Warren Commission Virus : Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

David Duke Virus : Makes your screen go completely white.

Pat Buchanan Virus : Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Texas Virus : Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.

Adam And Eve Virus : Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Warren Beatty Virus : Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.

Airline Virus : You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian Virus : Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS Virus : Your PC stops what it's doing every few minutes to ask for money.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus : Nobody can find it.

Kevorkian Virus : Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

Healthcare Virus : Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends a you a bill for $4,
500.

LAPD Virus : It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defence".

Billy Graham Virus : When you save a file, it prints, "I am saved!" to the screen.

Michael Jackson Virus : Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This Virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

And finally...

JokeGalore.com Virus : poses as a harmless list of funny computer Virus names! Is quickly passed from one user to all other users known via e-mail, consequently consuming all known network resources.

by (few years ago!)
Taming The Lion

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, Im not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or youre history. Heres your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?

The girl says, Ill go first. She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lions cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

by (few years ago!)
Human Resources Helpful Hints

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

by (few years ago!)
The Bloody Joke

Generally, I might find the following joke disgusting. But, the night I heard it, I was in a tiny bar in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania. There is nothing to do out there but drink, or be entertained by Creeping Jesus, a local who prowls around with bird feathers in his hair (he named himself Creeping Jesus, by the way). He once tried to light himself on fire to make us laugh, but that wasn’t funny. The bartender cut him off early that night. Anyway, a couple of other locals were trying to amuse us, and this joke came about:

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half-hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

Throw away a hundred-dollar bill-now.

Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

A slutty girl is flirting with two guys in a chat room. One of them asks, "What state are you from?" While the other asks, "What do you do for a living."

To satisfy both of them, she replied, "Idaho."

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:
"Use a thawed chicken."

by (few years ago!)
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