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Computer jokes

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

by (few years ago!) / 584 views
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Similar Jokes

Business jokes

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."-

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."Applicant: "Im the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

by (few years ago!)
Computer Support Problems

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:

1. Describe your problem:
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________________
_____________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

4. Problem severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial

5. Nature of the problem:

A. ___Locked Up
B. ___Frozen
C. ___Hung
D. ___Strange Smell

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __

7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __

9. Have you made it worse? Yes __

10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about computers " try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe __ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself:
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer when the problem occurred?
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in:
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________

19. Are you sure that you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What's a VCR__

21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? Yes __ No__

24. Is there anyone else that you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __

by (few years ago!)
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times?A: Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the punchline, and once when she gets it.

by (few years ago!)
AT THE JOB INTERVIEW

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"

So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"

The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary whose species and or name you cant remember.

by (few years ago!)
The proposition

The Devil said to the lawyer, I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wifes soul, your childrens souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and I want to have anal sex with your 14 year old daughter.

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, So, whats the catch?

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why is a dog scared of a fire?A.It doesnt want to become a hot dog.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes

Teacher: Class, who can go to the board and show us the map of the North America?
George: Yes, ma'am.
Teacher: Okay George.
George: Here is the map of North America.
Teacher: Class, who discovered North America?
Class: George!

by (few years ago!)
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