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The difference between men and women
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

by (few years ago!) / 543 views
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What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that Ive got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? Ive managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but shes bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that Ive got really bad breath? Ive been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as hes lived with me for a week, hes bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, Ive a c onfession to make."And she says, "So have I, love."To which he replies, "Dont tell me, youve eaten my socks."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over, beginning with 11.""11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred."What kind of counting is that?" asked the teacher"Whos counting?" replied Fred. "Im calling signals."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

by (few years ago!)
BAR JOKES - WALKE IN A BAR

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "When joo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

by (few years ago!)
THE PRIEST WHO LOST HIS COCK


A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

by (few years ago!)
Office Inspirational Posters

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

by (few years ago!)
Why Throwing Up Is Better Than Dorm Food

1. After you throw up, you feel better.

2. You can throw up whenever you want.

3. When you throw up, you dont have to wait in line.

4. Throw-up is always warm.

5. You dont have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.

6. When youre throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.

7. You can lose weight throwing up.

8. You dont have to pay to throw up.

9. Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

10. When you throw up, you dont have to come back for seconds.

11. You dont have to throw up everyday.

12. Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

13. You can throw up without a photo ID.

14. Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

15. They dont ration throw-up.

16. After you throw up, at least you know what youve eaten.

17. Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

18. You dont have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

19. A dog will eat throw-up.

20. After you throw up, at least theres some taste in your mouth.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Two gay men were discussing the AIDS problem and how, the only sure way not to contract it sexually is to remain abstinate. Both were saying that they knew they should, but were finding it hard to refrain when the time came.

A couple of weeks went by and they two met again. "How is it going for you?" asked the first guy.

"Wonderful," said the second guy. "Come here, I have made a discovery."

So they go into the men's room and the second man unzips his fly and removes his penis. On the tip of his penis is a Nicoderm patch.

"What the heck is THAT?" asks the first guy.

"It's a Nicoderm patch," replies the second.

"Wow, does it work?" asks the first guy.

"Sure does," says the second. "I haven't had a butt in five days!"

by (few years ago!)
DON'T I LOOK LIKE A COUNT?


The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enroled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!

by (few years ago!)
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