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GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS


God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"

Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."

God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."

Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"

God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

by (few years ago!) / 556 views
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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 4

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!."
Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

by (few years ago!)
WHILE OUT JOGGING ONE MORNING


One day George Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a ridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"

"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. Bush.

"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.

"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the grateful Bush.

"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.

"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"

"No -- but I will be when my dad finds out I saved you from drowning."

by (few years ago!)
A NEW SPORT?

First man: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.

Second man: Well, that's nice. It shows that she has your interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?

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A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR... OUCH!


A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilets. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!"

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

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lawyer jokes

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Political jokes

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Why should a honeymoon only be six days? ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.

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The hot shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

by (few years ago!)
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