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CLINTON LANDS A ROLE IN STAR WARS

Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?"

"She's my sister?!? Well, back on my home planet of Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!"

"Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too. And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's. And Lando's, and Boba Fett's, and Jabba the Hutt's, and Chewie's, and..."

"Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!"

"I did not have sexual relations with that wookie, Ms. Chewinsky."

"Oh-h-h, you're looking for a little *WOOKIE*... Well, that's different."

"Cholesterol does not concern me, Admiral. I want that Big Mac -- not excuses."

"I think the American people would like a little more bass in my theme music."

"Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke."

"Sorry about that lightsaber, Sugar. Just consider it laser dental work."

"Dispose of that troublesome young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster -- and make it look like a suicide."

"These are not the droids you're looking for, Ma'am. Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take off your top."

"I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military... Okay, now I don't."

"It's a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away -- and I'm still a lyin' weasel."


by (few years ago!) / 567 views
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Similar Jokes

blonde jokes

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball laying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful young blonde woman standing next to him smiling.

"What do you have in your pocket?" she asked. "Tennis ball," the man said smiling back.

"Wow," said the blonde looking very upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"

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Dog jokes

How did the dogs owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast?He foamed at the mouth.

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Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?They tend to go cheep!

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Religious jokes

A big, burly man visited the pastors home and asked to see the ministers wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses."Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.""How terrible!" exclaimed the preachers wife. "May I ask who you are?"The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "Im the landlord," he sobbed.

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Miscellaneous Jokes, Humor and Trivia for the

Many years ago, a baker's assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices, sent his apprentice to the store to buy more.

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was "for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst."

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Lawyer jokes

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman," lawyer replied, "Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question."

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Computer jokes

A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. "Kiss me and I will turn into a princess."

The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The frog starts shouting, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours."

The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back. The frog is really frustrated. "I don't get it. Why won't you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask."

The guy says, "Look, I'm a computer geek. I don't have time for girls. But a talking frog is very cool!"



by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

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Animal jokes

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

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Blonde jokes

hy is it good to have a blonde passenger?A. You can park in the handicap zone.

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