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A MOST UNUSUAL DEFENCE


A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

by (few years ago!) / 465 views
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"I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"

"Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

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One day God called the Pope, and he said "John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion". The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, then asked "Whats the bad news?". God said the bad news is that I am calling from Salt Lake City.

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Why cant blondes put in light bulbs?A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

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What is a conservative?A: A liberal whos been mugged.

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

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The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

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The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

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THE OLDER GOLFER

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."

"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"

"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out.

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"Yup," Scott answered.

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"I forgot."

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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 2

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THE INFAMOUS GOONY BIRD

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

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The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"

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Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"

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lawyer jokes

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

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