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Death in the Family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away.

The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.

She asked her why she was crying this time.

"I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!"

by (few years ago!) / 619 views
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Why is money green?

Because lawyers pick it up before it is ripe.

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Religious jokes

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"The old preacher mustere d up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and thats how I want to go."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?Blonde: I dont know. Why?Teller: It was easier to spell.Blonde: Easier than what?

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked Say Father, what causes arthritis? The priest replies My son, its caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man Well Ill be darned the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. Im sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? I dont have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.The first beggar wrote "Beggar" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.The next day, the second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.The following day, the third beggar wrote "e-Beg" on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said,I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof. Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof. Now, said his father, when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump off the roof. But, Dad, said the boy, theres a huge drop! Do you want to succeed in business? Yes, Dad. And you trust me, dont you? Yes, Dad. So do as I say and jump. The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him. That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens."It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?""Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner!"

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Religious jokes

An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anythingfor a while thePriest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy theres nopaper in here either.

by (few years ago!)
HORMONE RELACEMENT NEWSFLASH

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't driver.

by (few years ago!)
Self Help

When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that, probably, the printer only needed to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

by (few years ago!)
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