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AN OUTSTANDING STUDENT

blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes darling, very good."

"Is that because I'm blond?"

"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! It's good "innit?"

"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"

"Yes darling it's because you're blond.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D's at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"

"No darling, it's because you're 25."

by (few years ago!) / 572 views
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Similar Jokes

DRINKING VOCABULARY CHALLENGE

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovativ
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon


Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate


Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight She wanted to get a dark tan

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 4

Husband: "Your birthday is coming up, so I'd like some idea of what you'd like for your birthday."
Wife: "I want a divorce!"
Pause.
Husband: "I'm really sorry, but I hadn't planned to spend that much."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 6

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black?
A: Artificial intelligence.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it wont see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "Whats the matter with you? Why are you hiding? Youve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac? The motorway replies, "You dont know him like I do. Hes a cyclepath."

by (few years ago!)
More Political Jokes

Nursing Uniforms is our specialty. AllHeart.com offers Medical Uniforms and Scrubs, Stethoscopes, Diagnostic Tools, Blood Pressure Devices and more at EveryDay Low Prices. Scrubs for men and women are our bread and butter. AllHeart.com's senior management includes over 90 years of experience in pharmaceuticals, health care, retail, manufacturing, and catalog merchandising industries. AllHeart.com also offers a Free 30 Day Walk and Wear Return Policy to ensure customer satisfaction."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Did you hear about the new sushi bar
that caters exclusively to lawyers?

It's called, "Sosumi."
Did you hear about the British lady lawyer
that dropped her briefs
and became a solicitor?

It was so cold last winter,
that I saw a lawyer with
his hands in his own pockets.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Jokes

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by theusher. "Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked."Certainly not," she snapped, "Im the grooms mother."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals. On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

by (few years ago!)
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