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There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each (you get the picture)...

The first blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat." With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.

The second blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I need jetski"

With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.

The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says," Just give me a million dollars, I'll take the bridge."

by (few years ago!) / 697 views
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Blonde jokes

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens.She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

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Epstein's father admits joking about wedding site

Leslie Epstein, the father of Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein, says he was only joking in an e-mail Tuesday night in which he said his son's hush-hush wedding to Marie Whitney earlier this month took place at a Coney Island hot dog stand. The wedding stands. The franks? That was meant, he said, to be funny.

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A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

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Lawyer jokes

One day, an engineer died. He was the kind of engineer that built stuff, like air conditioners. When he died, he went to heaven, and met God. God said, "Hey! You're not on the list! Go to Hell!"

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One day, God called the devil and said, "You know that engineer? Well, he's suppose to be up here."

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Wedding Jokes

Wedding Jokes

While weddings are a very solemn occasion, it is also a very stressful time and people often use jokes to ease the tension. Jokes usually revolve a round a few common themes.

Many of the jokes concern the bride having to take care of the groom:

Question: Why does the bride always wear white?

Answer: Because it's always good for the dishwasher to match the fridge and stove.

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure." The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

For some reason, we seem to enjoy teasing couples that they will be miserable together:

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Bar jokes

Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers.

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Liam said, "Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder first?"

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Inventive Excuses for Missing Work - Part II

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10. I prefer to remain an enigma.

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12. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

13. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

14. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

15. I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

16. I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead!

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Dog jokes

What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine?He made a spectacle of himself.

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Computer jokes

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."

by (few years ago!)
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