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A Blonde and a Waitress

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.

The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.

"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

by (few years ago!) / 605 views
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Similar Jokes

Comfortable Telegram

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, "Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she'll only be able to send her sister a one-word message.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word...'comfortable'."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly...out loud... ("com-for-da-bul")."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

When is a black dog not a black dog ?When its a greyhound !

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

A student comes to a young professors office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

by (few years ago!)
College Expense

A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy.

"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

His father sends the money. The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'"

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The boy went on to be a successful lawyer.

by (few years ago!)
Taliban TV

Only available on Sky Digitaliban.)

06h00 G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.

08h30 Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.

09h00 Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.

11h00 Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12h00 Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

12h30 Panoramadan.
The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world.

13h30 Xena: Modestly Dressed Housewife.
Xena stays at home and does some cooking.

14h00 Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.

14h30 Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.

15h00 Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.'Starter for ten, no praying.'

15h30 I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16h00 Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.

17h00 Koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17h30 Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

18h00 Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18h30 Top of the Prophets.
Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

19h00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?

20h00 FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

21h30 Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

22h30 Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.

23h30 They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the Mullah' round.

00h00 When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.

00h30 The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.

01h30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

02h00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver sawa woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, andcouldnt bear passing her by. He completed the job for her,and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, littlelady, thats done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "Youll wakeup my husband. Hes taking a nap in the back seat."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why did the dog wear white sneakers ?Because his boots were at the menders !

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?It was a cup draw!

by (few years ago!)
Health Plan

How good is YOUR insurance?

HEALTH PLAN

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in. The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating nonstop.

The intern asks the doctor he is with why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says: 'Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up SO quickly in his body, he has to masturbate constantly or he will explode.'

'Oh, I see' says the intern.

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a blow job from a nurse.

Again, he asks the doctor 'What is up with THAT?' The doctor says: 'Same condition,better medical plan.'

by (few years ago!)
A ROLL OF QUARTERS


A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans.

He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch.

"Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?"

"As a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced down once more toward his embellished jeans. "Do you have change for a dollar?"

by (few years ago!)
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