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Computer jokes

I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, youll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!

by (few years ago!) / 554 views
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Bill Gates' Honeymoon

After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.

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Blonde jokes

Why couldnt the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator? A: She couldnt find the 10 key.

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TRUST ME... I'M A LAWYER


Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "Im already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I dont see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "Im in the secret service.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employees well being, asks sympathetically, "Whats the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "Im terribly sorry to hear that. Why dont you go home for the day... we arent terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, Id be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes:

Little Jimmy was a very rude boy who, given any opportunity, would embarrass his teacher. One day, during an OFSTED inspection, Jimmy's teacher told the class that they were going to do some impressions of different animals. However, feeling aware that Jimmy would use this opportunity to be extremely rude and to show her up, she decided to leave him until last. Emma did a marvellous impression of a cow, David did one of a pig, while other children did their own interpretations of donkeys, dogs, cats, parrots etc. Eventually, the teacher could avoid Jimmy no longer and reluctantly allowed him to do his impression. However, she felt that there could not possibly be any animals left, about which Jimmy could be rude or obscene.

"I'm going to do the mating cry of the deep-sea oyster," explained Jimmy.

That doesn't sound too bad thought the teacher.

At this point Jimmy stuck his head between his two hands and shouted "ANYONE FANCY A SHAG?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 6

A FATHER: The man who has complete command, most of the time, of the dog.

by (few years ago!)
WORDPLAY


There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."

Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

by (few years ago!)
FREE DRINKS FOR THE BLIND

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"

The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar where he asks for a drink.

The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my guide dog."

The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as guide dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Software that needs constant, even hourly attention, or else it dies? Sounds like Windows to me," stated MSFT spokesman Eric Longford. "This is clearly an infringement on our technology."

Bandai refused to comment on the suit.

by (few years ago!)
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