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Computer jokes

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?Hide their trainers.

by (few years ago!) / 724 views
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Zoo jokes

I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Which dog looks like a cat?A police dog in disguise.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog ?A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

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Men jokes

Men are like road kill.They usually just lie around until they start to smell.

by (few years ago!)
A STRING IN THE TALE


Two pieces of string meet one day in the park and while one goes on the slide the other goes on the swings. They're having a great time until one string decides to go on the roundabout.

After a while, the string feels really dizzy and falls off, scraping across the tarmac and making as tangled mess of one end and falling in a heap. The second string looked at him and sighed "you're not very good on that roundabout are you?"

The first string looked at himself and said "I'm a frayed knot"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes about God & Religion

A little boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?" His mother says," God is bothe male and female." The little boy is still confused and asks his mother, "Is God black or white?" His mother says, "God is both black and white." The confused little boy asks again, "Is God gay or straight?" The mother replies, "God is both gay and straight!" The little boy is really confused and asks his mother, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

It was reported that the pope was a soccer goalie in his youth. So apparently, even as a young man he tried to stop people from scoring. (Conan O'Brien)

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders reply. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here." (Unknown)

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Two government economists were returning home from a field meeting. As with all government
travelers they were assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were occupying the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.They continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they could talk and he could sleep.After switching seats one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion ever kept anyone awake

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Wheres the safest place to hide money from a man?Under the soap

by (few years ago!)
THE SUNBURNT MEMBER

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

by (few years ago!)
Fourth Husband

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

by (few years ago!)
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