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Men jokes

Men are like vacuum cleaners.Theyre not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

by (few years ago!) / 535 views
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A HOT DAY AT THE NUNNERY


Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit (groan) on a hot day.

So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel. They ask who it is.

"The blind man," a voice replies. The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind.

He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "Im very sorry officer, I didnt realize it was out, Ill get it fixed right away."Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for Johns license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didnt realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, will you shut up!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"Jessica replied, "only when hes drunk."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

by (few years ago!)
Pass the Exam

A pretty young college student visited her professors office after class. She glanced down the hall, closed his door and knelt before him. I would do anything to pass this exam, she said. Leaning closer,she whispered seductively, I mean, anything.

He looked down at her and said,anything?

Anything she replied again.

His Voice softenend. Anything, he repeated.

She smiled, and again said, anything.

His voice turned into a whisper. Would.You..Study???

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.

One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set.

"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"

"I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"

"Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

My husbands business is rather up and down ha
makes yo yos

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

The racecar driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

by (few years ago!)
IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES


Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"

"I've been circumcised."

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?"

"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

by (few years ago!)
Mothers were describing the virtues of their children

Three proud mothers were describing the virtues of their children. The first said, My daughter, the surgeon, has invented a new artificial liver that has saved the lives of countless patients.

The second proudly proclaimed, My son, the physicist, has developed a new energy source capable of heating thousands of homes with absolutely no pollution.

That is nothing, replied the third, my son the lawyer has discovered a new accounting system that allows him to bill clients for the time he spends on the golf course!

by (few years ago!)
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