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Men jokes

Men are like vacuum cleaners.Theyre not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

by (few years ago!) / 590 views
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Blonde jokes

One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and turned off the merry-go-round.

by (few years ago!)
Panda Code

A Panda walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a meal. When the meal finally arrives, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves the bar.
A patron walks over to the bartender and asks, What was that all about?
The bartender replies, Look up panda in the dictionary, pal.
And so, the patron retrieves his Websters dictionary from his coat pocket and looks up the word panda.
Whats it say? asks the bartender.
The patron replies with a grin, Eats shoots and leaves.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Education - 2

Teacher: "Late again. What's the excuse this time?"
Pupil: "Sorry, Sir. There was a notice on the bus saying Dogs must be carried, and I couldn't find one anywhere."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Education

What not to say to the nice policeman:

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

by (few years ago!)
THE PRIEST WHO LOST HIS COCK


A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes




The Smartest Dog Ever

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

by (few years ago!)
A Poo Question

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" She asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the goodstuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

by (few years ago!)
Waiting on a long line

The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate.

At one point she wailed "Oh no, NOW what do I do ? It just rang up sixty-four thousand, five hundered seventy four dollars in sales tax on a ten-dollar sale !"

Suprisingly, the customers in front of me didn't seem too upset by the delay.

Some even chuckled sympathetically. It wasn't until I got near the front of the line that I saw the neatly hand-lettered sign in front of the register: WE ARE CURRENTLY DOING BATTLE WITH OUR NEW COMPUTER FOR CONTROL OF THE STORE---WE APPRECIATE YOUR PATIENCE.

by (few years ago!)
Her side and his side

HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn`t say anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn`t really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to His house, I said that I love him and he just put His arm around me. I didn`t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn`t say it back or anything. We finally got back to His place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don`t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he`s met someone else??

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.

by (few years ago!)
How many sheep do I have?

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

by (few years ago!)
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