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Political jokes

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.He goes up to the girl and says, "Little girl, I think that its wonderful that youre doing such a good thing."The little girl says, "Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? Theyre Democrats."Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. "You know what, little girl? I think Ill take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how theyre Democrats."The girl says, "Im sorry Mr. Clinton, but theyre not Democrats any more. Theyre Republican now."Bill says, "They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?"She says, "Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open."

by (few years ago!) / 654 views
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Animal jokes

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog, "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a square, circle and triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But, the accountant said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He then divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10-oz. glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was pretty impressive.

The three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?" The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, took a crap on the paper, had sex with the other three dogs. Then Coffee Break claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker's compensation and then went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. They all agreed that dog was bloody brilliant.

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Blonde jokes

Why dont blondes eat bananas?A1: They cant find the zipper.A2: They cant find the pull tab.

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lawyer jokes

During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

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Night At The Barn

A lawyer and two friendsa Rabbi, and a Hindu holy manhad car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.

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THAT’S BEER LOGIC

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there pal?"

"It’s a mongoose."

"What have you got that for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose.

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Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 4

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

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office jokes

The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."

"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"

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Marriage jokes

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "but dont you think this is enough?" The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

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Political jokes

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus. Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

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Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories

A pie walks into a bar and asks the bar owner if he can have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps. The bar owner replies and says, sorry we dont serve food.

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