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Political jokes

Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people.

by (few years ago!) / 736 views
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Lawyer jokes

The bartender asks him "Whatll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "Thatll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I dont owe you anything for this".A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, hes got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The bartenders not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But dont ever let me catch you in here again".The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I cant believe youve got the audacity to come back!". The guy says "What are you talking about? Ive never been in this place in my life", to which the bartender replies "Im nvery sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."To which the guy replies "Thank you! Make it a scotch."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time Im not eating is when Im sleeping!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?A. She kept throwing out all the Ws.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes

Did you ever notice?
When you put the two words
"The" and "IRS" together
it spells "THEIRS"?

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

The English man offered everyone a crumpet and then he threw it out the window. The English man said, "Don't worry we have plenty of those where I come from."

The American man quickly threw the lawyer out the window. The American said, "Don't worry we have plenty of those where I come from."

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

It was so cold last winter,
that I saw a lawyer with
his hands in his own pockets.

by (few years ago!)
Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories

A man went into a bar after work and ordered a beer. As he started drinking his beer, he heard a female voise saying seductively, 'You've got nice hair'. The man looked all around him but couldn't see where the voice came from. A minute later he heard the same voice saying, 'You are a handsome man.' The man was really puzzled by this so he asked the barman what was going on.
The barman replied, 'It's the nuts - they're complimentary.'

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Doctor, I'm having that dream again," the patient said.

"Oh?" The shrink replies. "Which one?"

"The one where I'm into sadism, necrophilia, and beastiality. Should I be worried, or am I beating a dead horse?"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didnt have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, For the sick."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts.""Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

by (few years ago!)
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