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Political jokes

Whats the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?A: No fee--If No Recovery

by (few years ago!) / 589 views
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THE OLD WINO

This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.

A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.

Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave. This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.

Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks.

The wino said "Well, someone was sick outside and all the lumpy bits have gone now!"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 2

How do you murder a blonde?
Put spikes on her shoulder pads.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. Im going to type it in again."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage? Student: Judas departed and went and hanged himself. Examiner: Well, thats a surprise. Can you quote another? Student: Go thou and do likewise.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer, docter and architect

A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession.
The surgeon says: "Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can't go back further than that."

The architect says: "Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can't go back any further than THAT!"

The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: "Gentlemen, Gentlemen...who do you think created the CHAOS??!!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why didnt the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?A: They couldnt fit a deer into the car.

by (few years ago!)
FATHER FORGIVE ME...


A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."

"What do you mean almost?" question the priest.

"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in," explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave.

The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, "I saw that... you didn't put any money in the poor box!"

"Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it's the same as putting it in!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Its not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do men float better than women?A: Because they are scum.

by (few years ago!)
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