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Religious jokes

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane wasbeing rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Deaths door, and said to her papal neighbour. Father, surely you can do something about this...To which the Pope replied, Sorry lady, Im in sales, not management.

by (few years ago!) / 591 views
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Sport jokes

How do hens encourage their football teams ?They egg them on !

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Misc Jokes

The finals of last year's National Poetry Contest came down to two finalists. One was a San Francisco State University graduate from an upper-crust family; well bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Texas A&M. A self-proclaimed die-hard Aggie. Go figure.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The San Francisco State graduate went first. About 30 seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination: Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! How, they wondered could the redneck top that? The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' we went.
Met three whores with a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

She was two thirds married once.What do you mean ?Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up, but the groom didnt !

by (few years ago!)
Mothers were describing the virtues of their children

Three proud mothers were describing the virtues of their children. The first said, My daughter, the surgeon, has invented a new artificial liver that has saved the lives of countless patients.

The second proudly proclaimed, My son, the physicist, has developed a new energy source capable of heating thousands of homes with absolutely no pollution.

That is nothing, replied the third, my son the lawyer has discovered a new accounting system that allows him to bill clients for the time he spends on the golf course!

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

You will never have an extra blank zip disk.

2. If you do bring along a blank zip or jaz disk, you won't need it.

3. If you don't bring along a blank zip disk, it will be the only available opportunity to obtain a copy of a hitherto unattainable, and uniquely appropriate program.

4. If someone else is watching while you are doing anything on the computer, anything at all, it will screw up. (That is a technical term)

5. The percentage chances of screwing up increase in direct proportion to the size of your audience.

6. No matter how simple it seems to you, your explanation will be more than they want to know.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The ranchers prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldnt resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldnt have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the t rain went through your ranch that morning. I didnt have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, Ill tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?A: So they dont get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying "I dont know?" whenever you ask them a question.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 4

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror, taking a long hard look at herself.
"You know dear", she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive, to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment, thinking about it, and says in a soft, thoughtful voice. "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30, at Saint Elmo's memorial Chapel.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How many blonde jokes are there? A: One - the rest are all true.

by (few years ago!)
THE PRIEST WHO LOST HIS COCK


A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

by (few years ago!)
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