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Religious jokes

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Nearthe cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD"printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letterscould mean, but couldnt figure it out, so he asked the clerk.The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would JesusDo", and was meant to inspire people to not make rashdecisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in thesame situation.The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, Im damnsure Jesus wouldnt pay $17.95 for one of these caps."

by (few years ago!) / 523 views
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Sport jokes

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game ?It was a cup draw !

by (few years ago!)
A BIGGER HANDFUL OF QUICKIES

Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "That'll be one blood and one blood lite."



This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper replies, "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"



A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"



A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."



Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."



A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer," he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "No charge."



A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre... so the barman gave her one!



Two donkeys walk into a bar and the first donkey says to the bartender "I'll have a pint of Bud please"
and the second donkey says "hee haw, hee haw, he always orders that"



So two jumper cables walk into a bar. Bartender says, "You guys better not start anything in here."



A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says to the guy: "Mate, you've got a steering wheel down your pants."
The guy replies "Yeah I know. Its driving me nuts!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. Where have you been? asked the man. I cant believe you left me down there! I couldnt get the tailgate open!

by (few years ago!)
Marriage quotes 06

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin

I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- Tynan

I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -- Phyllis Diller

I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.

If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -- Chekhov

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?Q. They think their picture is being taken.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?A: She turned it over and used the other side.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus? She took the 22 twice instead.

by (few years ago!)
On the Scaffolding

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve's wife.

Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.

"So did you tell her?" asks Jeff.

"Yep", replied Bob.

"Say, where did you get the six-pack?"

Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me!"

"What??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack??"

"Sure," Bob says.

"Why?" asks Jeff.

"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's widow?'

'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!'

So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

If the State of the Union is really "the best its ever been" Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!

by (few years ago!)
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