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Sport jokes

Whats the chilliest ground in the premiership ?Cold Trafford !

by (few years ago!) / 615 views
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computer jokes

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

Then enter: ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

A lady who was about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well, your Honor. It was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that read: 'The Gold Dust Twins Are Coming,' and I had to smile."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that read: 'Sloan's Liniment Will Reduce the Swelling,' and I had to grin."

"Then she placed herself under a sign that read: 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly control myself."

"But, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that read: 'Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident,' I laughed out loud."

"Case Dismissed." replied the Judge.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, well never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,"the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like Im listening."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

At what time of day was Adam born? Just before Eve.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?A: Her IQ goes up!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. Youre gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man." - Jay Leno

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?A: Shes trying to hold on to a thought.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?A. Donut seeds

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

by (few years ago!)
THE BUFFALO THEORY

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!

by (few years ago!)
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