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Sport jokes

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic!

by (few years ago!) / 709 views
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Funny Animal Jokes

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.

The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians." Democrats dont either, as long as the Indians win.

by (few years ago!)
Four Catholic Ladies

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane wasbeing rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Deaths door, and said to her papal neighbour. Father, surely you can do something about this...To which the Pope replied, Sorry lady, Im in sales, not management.

by (few years ago!)
A LITTLE MONKEY BUSINESS


A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please".

The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey, most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff."

The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.

He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

"Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does anything, but says it's a Consultant.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

What do you call an honest lawyer?An oxymoron.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why did the blonde fail her drivers licence ?A: She wasnt used to the front seat!

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head." His mother replies, "No you dont Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Where did all the cuts and blood come from?The school went on a trip!

by (few years ago!)
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