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Women jokes

Why havent Women landed on the Moon? - Because it doesnt need cleaning yet!

by (few years ago!) / 631 views
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Lawyer jokes

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. Theres no sign of theoffending vehicle but hes relieved to see that theres anote stuck under the windshield wiper."Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkIm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But Im not."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine A She demanded $200,000 an
parachute.

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Blonde jokes

If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?A. The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Joke

A cat was running wildly down alleys, up fire escapes, down cellars and what-not. A neighbor knew whose cat it was and reported it.

"Your cat is running around like mad."

"I know," answered the owner. "He's just been sterilized and he is canceling engagements."


by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, Vote Democratic." His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesnt cost me a nickel. I dont give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, Vote Democratic."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

When do computers go to sleep?When its internight.

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Lawyer jokes

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A wealthy and very well dressed financial consultant arrived at his office to fill out his report for the company he was working for.

The dapper, extremely confident and very dignified gentleman left his Porsche with the parking attendant and entered wearing the building wearing his designer business suit. His shoes clicked along the polished floor as he headed for the elevator.

He picked up the paperwork, and strutted into his well-furnished office, put down his fifteen hundred dollar briefcase and sat down at his desk. He stared at the questions for five minutes, and shook his head in disbelief. He looked again, and his shoulders dropped.

"I know I have no choice, but this is an OUTRAGE!" he said out loud.

Then with a sigh of embarrassment, he reached down, untied and pulled his feet out of his highly polished $800 Brooks Brothers cap toe dress shoes and then peeled off his black silk business socks as well.

The now barefoot consultant then stuffed the socks in the shiny, expensive shoes and dropped them in the garbage can.

A few minutes later, he shook his head again with frustration, slowly untied his $150 Hermes silk necktie, plucked the matching pocket square out of his suit pocket, unfastened his monogrammed gold cufflinks, and slid his Rolex off his wrist. He threw them in to the garbage as well. His silver tiepin and his paisley braces followed.

A moment later, the consultant dropped his head into his hands and groaned. No longer confident and dignified, he looked around furtively.

Then he angrily shrugged and stood up. He then stripped off his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped Armani business suit and his starched white shirt, and folded them before stuffing them in the garbage as well.

The consultant finally sat down in his underwear and finished his work.

A colleague came in, looked around, saw the stripped consultant and his expensive clothes piled in the garbage and was stunned. “Why did you do this?” he asked in bewilderment.

The formerly well-dressed and impeccably groomed consultant angrily and wearily picked up the paperwork.

“Why didn’t you warn me about this? It says right here: Instructions MUST be followed exactly! ALL questions MUST be answered in brief!”

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 5

This is page 5 of jokes and funny stories about animals.

by (few years ago!)
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