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Women jokes

Why do women have smaller feet than men? - It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

by (few years ago!) / 567 views
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Blonde jokes

How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?A: Shes the one on her bike

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and its a womans job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something youd like to have dinner with.

by (few years ago!)
TWO TEXANS


Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no.

He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works.

by (few years ago!)
Speech Impediment

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down their local bar, when one said to the other, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow, "My wife doesn't have got a speech impediment!"

Well," replied his friend , "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say NO!"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

One night a wife found her husband standing over their babys crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband."A penny for your thoughts," she said."Its amazing!" he replied. "I just cant see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

was at Denver International Airport over the Christmas holiday, checking in at the gate, when a blonde male airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

The blonde employee smiled, nodded knowingly, and responded, "That's why we ask."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything." his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw and six teeth knocked out. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

by (few years ago!)
JUST SHOWING OFF


This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.

Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.

Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.

About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the hell are you doing that?!"

The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."

"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.

The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?Q. They think their picture is being taken

by (few years ago!)
Marriage quotes 13

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. --Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- S. T. Coleridge

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavran

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up. -- Nash

by (few years ago!)
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