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Marriage jokes

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?She wanted a big wedding.

by (few years ago!) / 500 views
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Labour Pains

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

There were these three brothers that were very close to each other. The brothers always went to a local bar on every Friday at 5:30 on the dot. When the brothers got married they all got married to their wifes to be on the same day and at the same place. When the brothers moved away from each other to go on with their lives with their new wife, they all promised each other that they would still go to the bar every friday at 5:30 and drink for each other. On the first Friday that the brothers were separated, the first brother went to a local bar and ordered three drinks. He took one sip from the first glass the took one sip from the second glass then from the third. He did this until all the beer was gone, then he paid the bartender and went home. This kept up for about three week before the bartender finally asked why he did that. The guy explained about the promise th at he had with his brothers. The bartender said that he thought that was a very good promise to keep with each other. One day the same guy came in and asked for only two glasses of beer. The bartender thinking something awful has happened, said "I am awfully sorry about your brother." The guy not knowing anything about what the bartender was talking about said "What happened to him?" The bartender said that when he only ordered two drinks instead of three he thought that something awful had happened. The brother then said "No, nothing happened to my brother, I just decided to give up alcohol."

by (few years ago!)
A VALUABLE LESSON IN STUDENT LIFE


A college student picked up his date at her parent's home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.

To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetisers, lobster, champagne . . .the works.
Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger?Id rather have him chase the tiger.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Joke

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam.

"Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."

"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient.

"My wife is a zebra

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?A: It depends on the age.

by (few years ago!)
Geography Lesson

The teacher called on Little Johnny to go to the map and point out where North America is.
Little Johnny looked the map over, found North America, and proudly said, "Here it is, right here!"

"Very good, Johnny," the teacher said. "Now, class, can you tell me who discovered North America?"

"Little Johnny!" the students shouted.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Whats a blondes favorite color?A: A light shade of clear

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"I bet you dont know what day this is", said the wife toher husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker:"Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that,he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work.At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened thedoor, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmedred roses.At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favoritechocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designerdress. The woman couldnt wait for her husband to come home.The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfiedthat he had recovered what could have been a very badsituation. His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then thechocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "Ive neverhad a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

by (few years ago!)
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