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Youll never have to go to jail with all that money

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didnt want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, Dont worry. Youll never have to go to jail with all that money. And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didnt have a dime.

by (few years ago!) / 682 views
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LIFE AS A MOLE

A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"

The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"

The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses...."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection A pointer

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Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

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Pirate In A Bar

A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks Howd you end up with a peg-leg

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A man is almost about to die

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."

His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

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Religious jokes

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation wentwell and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he wasreassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed."Mr. Smith, youre going to be just fine," said the nun, gentlypatting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend topay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?""No, Im not," the man whispered hoarsely."Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun."Im afraid I cannot, Sister.""Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questionedsternly."Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But shes ahumble spinster nun.""Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God.""Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How do men exercise on the beach?A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

by (few years ago!)
THE DEAF DRUNKS

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.

The man thought that was great.

A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly.

The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.

The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"

by (few years ago!)
EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED

What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?
Gifted!

How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.

Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

Where do Martians drink beer ?At a mars bar !

by (few years ago!)
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