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Marriage jokes

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "hes been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even thats not worth so much celebrating!"

by (few years ago!) / 535 views
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Religious jokes

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.However, the atheists life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious mans job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldnt give him the time of the day.So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:"Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesnt even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor andsuffer many an indignity. Why is this?"And a great voice w as heard from above:"BECAUSE HE DOESNT BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

by (few years ago!)
FUN! FUN! FUN!


A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."

Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see... Fun period ... fun period ... fun no period ... worry worry worry!"

by (few years ago!)
A PASSING COMPLIMENT


A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!". Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt".

At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey...I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts" answered the bartender.

"Say what?"

"You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts...they're complimentary.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde sky diving team?A: A new version of the lawn darts game.

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order?A zoo-t suit!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 9

On her way home a dumb blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher : Were you copying his sums ?Pupil : No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !

by (few years ago!)
The Postal Service

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? This is a beauty)
My stupid computer! keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

by (few years ago!)
Honorable MEN joke!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"


The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.


The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.


The woodcutter replied, "No."



The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"


"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mallika Sherawat. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mallika Sherawat, You would have come up with Bipasha Basu. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care

of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mallika Sherawat."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.


That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE HONORABLE MEN

by (few years ago!)
Blonde Hijacker

Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed.

Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo."

Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo."

"Damn!" replied the blonde passenger, "I got on the wrong plane."

by (few years ago!)
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