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Marriage jokes

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "hes been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even thats not worth so much celebrating!"

by (few years ago!) / 561 views
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Similar Jokes

computer jokes

guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. "Kiss me and I will turn into a princess."

The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The frog starts shouting, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."

by (few years ago!)
Going Out

A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver Hes just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.

A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueacross the street from each other. Since their schedulesintertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.So they did. They drove it home and parked it in thestreet between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw thepriest sprinkling water on their new car. It didnt needa wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he wasdoing. "Im blessing it" the priest replied.The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue.He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to thecar and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked upbehind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "Imgoing to kiss you if you cant tell me who I am in three guesses."She quickly answered, "George Washington! Thomas Jefferson!Abraham Lincoln!"

by (few years ago!)
Little Johnny: Gender Differences

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother "...please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So, Johnnys mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"OK, now take off my skirt..." And he takes off her skirt.

"Now, take off my bra..." Which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties..."

And when Johnny finishes removing these, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE dont wear any of my clothes to school any more!

What were you thinking?

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But, officer," the man began, "I can explain""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "Im going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.""But, officer, I just wanted to say""And I said to keep quiet! Youre going to jail!"A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chiefs at his daughters wedding. Hell be in a good mood when he gets back.""Dont count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "Im the groom."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?A hot dog and a six pack.

by (few years ago!)
HORMONE RELACEMENT NEWSFLASH

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

by (few years ago!)
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