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Marriage jokes

How is a marriage like a hot bath?A: Once you get used to it, its not so hot.

by (few years ago!) / 593 views
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STROLLING DOWN THE STREET ONE DAY


Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Covert to Catholicism and get $10."

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"

"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."

Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"

Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your ten dollars?"

Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"

by (few years ago!)
THE BLIND MAN AND THE RABBI


A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzah. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.

Several minutes later, the blind man turns taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this shit?"

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, Ill do it myself," and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you dont know Im not going to tell you."

by (few years ago!)
Grizzly Bear Warning

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin

Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that arent expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why cant blondes put in light bulbs?A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why didnt the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?A: They couldnt fit a deer into the car.

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it

by (few years ago!)
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go -- and couldnt return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. A million dollars, he answered, because I want to donate it to M.I.T.

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. I want to give a million to my family, he explained, and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, Three million dollars.

Why so much more than the others? asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, If you give me $3 million, Ill give you $1 million, Ill keep $1 million, and well send the engineer to Mars.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator."Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies."Okay, where do you live?""In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies."No,no! How do we get there the operator asks fustratedly."Duh! Big Red Truck.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Customer: "Why didnt you tell me I have call waiting?" Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting." Customer: "Well, you should ask everybody!" Tech Support: "Do you have call waiting?" Customer: "Whats that?"

by (few years ago!)
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