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Marriage jokes

How is a marriage like a hot bath?A: Once you get used to it, its not so hot.

by (few years ago!) / 579 views
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School jokes

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over, beginning with 11.""11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred."What kind of counting is that?" asked the teacher"Whos counting?" replied Fred. "Im calling signals."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

What happened when the barman died?The police held an inn-quest

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What should you do if you see a vicious dog?Hope he doesnt see you.

by (few years ago!)
Big John

A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills! He's the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!"
A few weeks pass uneventfully. One afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town! Run for your lives!"

When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town. As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks.

He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer now!"

He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, nearly splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp.

As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave. "Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out.

"Dang it, I don't have time!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town. Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin

by (few years ago!)
Balloon Art (9)

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Joke

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam.

"Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."

"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient.

"My wife is a zebra

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Taking his seat in his chambers, the small-town southern judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," the judge said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leoni, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."

Then the judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. and proceeded to hand it to Leoni. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we are going to decide this case solely on its merits."

by (few years ago!)
THE WORKS OUTING


This guy was staggering along the road, much the worse for the drink, throwing empty beer cans into the street and falling into peoples gardens. His singing gained the attention of a passing policeman who decided to question him.

"What do you think you're doing there?" the policeman asked.

"I'm on my works outing" came the slurred reply.

"Then" the policeman queried, "where are all the others?"

"Ah" the man grinned, "You see officer, I'm self employed!"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyers.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says tothe other, "I hearthat the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in oil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their dogs. The mother superior is first to open hers. Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

by (few years ago!)
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