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Marriage jokes

"You and your husband dont seem to have an awful lot incommon," said the new tenants neighbor. "Why on earthdid you get married?""I suppose it was the old business of opposites attract,"was the reply. "He wasnt pregnant and I was."

by (few years ago!) / 618 views
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Similar Jokes

Blonde jokes

Whats a blondes favourite wine A "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A. Blonde I dont know. Why Teller It was easier to spell.Blonde Easier than what

by (few years ago!)
Vice President of Peas

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!".

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"

by (few years ago!)

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

by (few years ago!)
Psychiatric Hotline

Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

by (few years ago!)
I think I can fly

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had just one more beer, I reckon I could fly."
The second guy says "No Way!"

So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off, starts falling to the ground, and then flies gracefully back to the top of the cliff.

The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer, I bet I could do that too."

All three guys go into the bar, and the second guy has one more beer. After he finishes, he says "Ok, I will be able to fly now."

All three of them go outside and the second guy jumps off of the cliff. He falls to the bottom, hitting the ground and dying instantly.

The third guy turns to the first guy and said "You know Superman, you can be a real jerk when you drink

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Which dog tastes better when eaten?A hot dog.

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Two football players are sitting in a dorm and talking about girls. One says to the other, "I never get lucky. I'm just too ugly."

The other player says, "No man, you just need to go to where I live. Back home, girls don't even care what you look like."

So the ugly guy says, "Well lets go!" They take the bus and get off in the friend's neighborhood. They start walking down the street, and the ugly guy turns and sees this beautiful woman across the street, curling her finger towards herself and saying, "Come here." The ugly guy turns toward his friend and says, "You were right. I'll meet up with you later. See ya!"

So he runs across the street and starts following the woman. She disappears for a brief moment around the bend of a building and then reappears signaling with her finger, "Come here."

He continues to follow after her. She disappears behind another building, then reappears once again, still curling her finger, "Come here." Finally, he sees her at the top of an apartment's stairs. One last time she curls her finger, "Come here."

He goes up the stairs and walks into the apartment which is pitch dark. He closes the door behind him, and suddenly the lights turn on. There he sees the woman pointing at three kids saying, "I told you if you were bad I was going to bring you the Boogie Man!"

by (few years ago!)
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