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Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?Branch manager.

by (few years ago!) / 516 views
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AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE


An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot today. Id really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, "No Pets Allowed," and I cant leave Fido alone on the street." The other man replies, "No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and youll be having that beer real soon!" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you cant bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But Im blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh, okay then." The man drinks his beer and leaves. The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you cant bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But Im blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh really? Ive never heard of a Chihuahua seeing-eye dog!" The man, thinking quickly, blurts out, "Oh, man! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy." The young man handed over his license.
Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?" The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler." The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"

The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.

Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.

When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

The social worker asked the bartender "Whats the difference between your job and mine?" The bartender replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6 weeks and I learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours to have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!

by (few years ago!)
Solution to the Y2K problem

The government's system administration team, working with computer manufacturers and experts in the computer industry, has found a lower cost alternative to address the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. In exchange for taking every computer, an Etch-A-Sketch will be issued to all Americans. There are many reasons for doing this:

1. No Y2K problems.
2. No technical glitches keeping working from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing E-Mails.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has funny lines all over the screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a new document?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for re-booting my Etch-A-Sketch ?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch ?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch Document ?
A: Don't shake it.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you? Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."-

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

Did you hear about the dyslexic lawyer who studied all year for the bra exam?

by (few years ago!)
Political Jokes

Isn't it amazing," a reporter remarked to her editor after a press conference, "how politicians-jj never say anything yet always insist they've been misquoted?"

by (few years ago!)
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