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Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?Branch manager.

by (few years ago!) / 476 views
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Marriage jokes

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to asserthimself. "You dont have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her youre the boss." The husband decided to take the doctors advice. He wenthome, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wifes face, and growled, "From now on youre taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?""I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At herwedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. Noneof the other women in the office even noticed.Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! Its sowarm in here today, I think Ill take off my ring."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 2

Bigamy: one wife too many;
Monogamy; same thing.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?Yes, but she doest realise it, she thinks were actually listening !

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum replied, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

by (few years ago!)
Speech Impediment

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down their local bar, when one said to the other, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow, "My wife doesn't have got a speech impediment!"

Well," replied his friend , "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say NO!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Whens the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. Hes met by thereception committee, andafter a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriadrecreations available.He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text ofthe Holy Scriptures, andspends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming alinguistic master, hesits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of theBible, working backfrom the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels comerunning to him, only tofind the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,"An R! They left outthe R."God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problemis. After collectinghis wits, the Pope sobs again, "Its the letter R ... the word wassupposed to beCELEBRATE!"

by (few years ago!)
Sports Jokes

Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement.

Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"

by (few years ago!)
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