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Blonde jokes

Why couldnt the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?A: She didnt know what ONE came first...

by (few years ago!) / 481 views
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Blonde jokes

How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash A Shes the one on her bike

by (few years ago!)
The best blonde joke…

I missed the best blonde joke ever. Well, at least I did until I got to Greg Hughes blog. Being blonde I appreciate jokes like these. Update: Greg’s link doesn’t seem to work, so you can catch the joke on Ben Hammersley’s blog.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."Applicant: "Im the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

by (few years ago!)
THE SUNBURNT MEMBER


A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"


by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie.Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"Bernie: "The dog came here to pray.""Oh, come on." says the Rabbi."YES!" says Bernie.Rabbi: "I dont believe you. You are just fooling around; thats not aproper thing to do in temple."Bernie: "Its true!".."Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do.""OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would considergoing to Rabbinical school????"Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"

by (few years ago!)
Embarrasing Biology

A biology major was taking a cell biology course. The task of the day was examining epitheleal cheek cells under a microscope. They had to scrape the inside of their mouths with a toothpick and make a slide from it and record the different types of cells that were found.

One girl in the class was having some trouble identifying some cells. She called the professor over to ask him.

After a moment or two of peering in her scope, he looked up and said in a loud voice, "Those are sperm cells."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water-skis?A: Shes still looking for a lake with a slope.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldnt work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

by (few years ago!)
Funny Store Signs

1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."
2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."
4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"
5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything." his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw and six teeth knocked out. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

by (few years ago!)
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