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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde make best for dinner?A: Reservations.

by (few years ago!) / 583 views
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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

How do barmen surf the web?On the Gin-ternet.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you confuse a blonde?A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.” “I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.

by (few years ago!)
You've got mail

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

by (few years ago!)
How many lawyers does it take...

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, lawyers only screw us.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is a blondes definition of a naval destroyer?A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.

by (few years ago!)
THE RETIRED PREACHER


A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him.

The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.

Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?"

The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?"

The kid said, "Yep."

"Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.

The kid replied, "You have to cuss it."

The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."

With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" Th e pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."

by (few years ago!)
THE SINGING BULLFROG

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"

"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."



by (few years ago!)
Solution to the Y2K problem

The government's system administration team, working with computer manufacturers and experts in the computer industry, has found a lower cost alternative to address the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. In exchange for taking every computer, an Etch-A-Sketch will be issued to all Americans. There are many reasons for doing this:

1. No Y2K problems.
2. No technical glitches keeping working from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing E-Mails.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has funny lines all over the screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a new document?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for re-booting my Etch-A-Sketch ?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch ?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch Document ?
A: Don't shake it.

by (few years ago!)
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